A few more oldies, very oldies, but someone must lighten the load !
mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it, he reckoned he could stop any time . . .
I knew a man who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin . . .
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. .... I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint I gave her a big push and she fell over.
Ah well, I did say they were oldies, Tommy Trinders, any one remember him ?
Robert.
Do I remember Tommy Trinder, I have been a Fulham supporter for 60 years when he was No 1 at Craven Cottage, He may not of been very funny, but at Fulham he was the King, I just wish that the present Chairmen of Football Clubs, treated football the same way he did .As an enjoyable sport, and not as a money machine or a way to dodge taxes
Alan, I totaly agree with you on this issue, it is like every thing at the moment, greed greed greed, where has the British Bulldog spirit gone, take care of your neighbours first, community spirit and all that. It's now look after number one first and s-d the others.
Life is too short lets all enjoy what litle time we have here .
Finally:
A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said . . .'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow that, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I am the one out of the 7.
My wife hosted a dinner party for family from far and wide and everyone was
encouraged to bring all their children as well.
All through dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across
from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in
place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.
I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.
I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went
quiet for her response.
My little niece said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"